Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Best of Friends

I was in college, I think when Friends came out. It was only when I bought the DVD from seasons 1-10 that I was able to see all the episodes of one of my favorite sitcoms of all time. I could always relate to their predicaments- like having a crappy job, being unemployed, the woes of dating, the fear and loneliness, the excitement of making it on your own in a big city, and having great friends to share your success with.
When Rachel first knew she was going to be alright on her own. "I've got magic beans." Chandler breaks up with Janice..
And again.
Chandler, Janice, and his future wife Monica.
Joey kisses Chandler on New Year's uyy! ; )
Ross and his Great Love.
Rachel brings flowers for Ross, who was arriving from China..
Using the bouquet to "stop the bleeding", shocked at seeing him with his new squeeze Julie.

Ross and Rachel's first kiss. Finally!!
Monica, and the fake Monica who taught her a new side of herself.
Monica, 26 breaks up with Young Ethan, 17. "It would have worked out if you were older..
or if we lived in Biblical times."
Phoebe gives Monica a haircut ala Dudley Moore.
Joey moves out.
That was just the first CD. Stick around for more ; )

City Girl Gets Trapped in the Boondocks with Unattractive Men

I’ve always fancied myself as a nature person. Practically every month, I make it a point to travel- from Sagada to Bontoc to Baguio to Mindoro to Panay (back when I was still working), and nowadays Marabut, and Guiuan, Eastern Samar. For most of those trips I usually stay in a comfortable hotel or hostel, and admittedly my friends and I were there because of the nightlife more than the sights. To become truly one with nature, I told myself, I need to know how to camp.

And so I applied for a membership at a local Mountaineering club in Tacloban. We went through a couple of lectures before the first event- a team building at Victor’s Peak- the highest elevation in Tacloban City.

I started off at the wrong foot. I arrived, meticulously packed (first aid kit, check! change of clothes, check! food and water, check! kikay kit, check!) and an hour late. The assembly place was empty because everyone had left. Determined not to put my efforts to waste, I persuaded one of the senior members at the club to hitch me a ride. I gracelessly rode the back of his motorcycle (with my 10 ton backpack swaying from side to side and bringing my body with it), praying I won’t fall and get run over by the ten wheeler trying to overtake us.

We finally arrived at the base of the mountain, met with glares from my fellow trainees. I thought to myself, oh dear, there were only two females (one made a pass at me during one of the lectures before), and both looked like tarzans! I had a feeling of dread slowly creeping up from my stomach. This was not going to be a good day for me.

The incline was comfortable enough for the first half hour hike. We even took pictures as we climbed up. The trouble first came when the slope suddenly became steep (maybe 60 degrees or higher) , and with my heavy pack I was having difficulty breathing. We had to stop twice so I could catch my breath and drink water. During the second stop I seriously thought I was having a heart attack- my chest pounded and I couldn’t breathe properly. One of the girls (who barely broke a sweat) suggested I drink my water slowly- one gulp, let it stay a bit in the mouth, and slowly slide it down to my throat (I know, I was totally thinking she was giving me pointers for doing the other type of mouth exercise!). After 15 minutes, we resumed our never-ending trek.

It was late afternoon when we finally arrived at the summit. And the view? Nothing spectacular.. I silently cursed myself. “I went all the way up for this?!” I decided to give it a chance and stay overnight- hoping something interesting might happen. Wrong again! The food was bad (noodles, canned goods, and all light stuff they could carry), the accommodations worse. Note: you had to pee and do number two (if you need to) in the woods.

I had to share the tent (that had the capacity for two people) with three other guys. And honey, none of them were good-looking. The guys proceeded to smoke pot, which I refused, and so I just sat there looking like a petulant princess. I decided to stop being a snob and just drown my sorrows in the liquor that the guys brought.

At promptly 11pm, torrential rain started to pour. We went inside the flimsy tent and tried to sleep. Just my luck, my corner had a drip, and my lower body was soaked in rain water. Drunk and wet (not in a good way) I swear I was going crazy!

The next day, I persuaded the guys that we go home early because I remembered had an “appointment”. Of course the rain made going down so much easier- literally. I had to hug trees and grab on to thorny branches lest I plummet to my death. When we reached the highway, I was covered in mud from head to toe. I swore never again to do anything of the sort. Memo to Thad: throw away the mountaineering gear, keep your kikay kit and stay indoors.

A Giant Coup de Ville

I can never forget the song and dance number of Cameron, Christina, and Selma in the movie "The Sweetest Thing"- where they use a Cadillac as a metaphor for a penis (or was it the other way around?)! The scene starts as a conversation between the three girls, and then music starts to pump and everyone in the chinese place gets up and dances. Hilarious!
You're too too big to fit in here (points at mouth)
.. Too big to fit in here (grabs her crotch)
.. Too big to fit in here! (smacks her butt) *
What a lovely ride
Your penis is a thrill
Your penis is a Cadillac
A giant Coup de Ville!
Your penis packs a wallop,
Your penis packs a load
and when it makes delivery
it needs its own Zip Code!
Your penis is so strong
Your penis is so smooth
Your penis got a rhythm
Your penis makes me groove!
Your penis is a dream
the biggest one I've seen!
It's oozy and its cream.
Your penis is so big
your penis is so thick
your penis is so pretty!
Your penis is so hard
your penis is so large,
My body is a movie and your penis is the star! *

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I've Got Mail..

From: free_bridges [history]Date: 29 May 2007, 23:27wow... indeed your blog was totally fetch! luv it... i'm very particular with beauty 101... i'm a self confessed walking vanity mag.. i suggest you put together bits and pieces of style tips... what differs your blog from the rest is that you discussed issues closest to the hearts of the gay people... your blog didn't come out to be narcissist at all... kudos!
To free_bridges: I love the suggestion ; ) Thank you so much! And it gets better..
From: Queer Click [history]Date: 30 May 2007, 01:16i spent a lot of time reading ur entries....what a great writer you are.. love na kita...! ang galing mo dude. if you need photos in my site, just grab it..
Icing on the cake = ) Made my day. Thank you soo much Vince!

Fijarme libre!

With exception of my brother, who was not at all surprised, I haven’t really came out to anyone in my family yet. Being in a conservative, catholic family, that sort of thing is not even talked about. My sexual orientation is like a pink elephant in the room; no one is allowed to talk about it, yet everyone can see it.

It’s almost laughable how they think I’m enjoying my bachelorhood, and not getting hitched early like my brother did. They wonder sometimes when I’ll finally bring a girlfriend over. My father even went as far as giving me tips on getting a house for my “future wife” (more of these especially when he is drunk). At one point he even had three girls (who were daughters of his kumpares) come over to the house to meet with me.

That setup didn’t work out for two reasons: 1. I would never consider dating a girl, and 2. I was much prettier than any of them. I know my Mom senses it already, as much as my cousins do. They even try not to use the words “bading”, or “bakla” in my presence because they think I might get offended. I appreciate their efforts, but what I do want is to just put it all in the open- and get over it. My sexual orientation does not define me. My homosexuality had nothing to do with the grades I got in school, it did not get me hired, and certainly was not the basis of my promotions. I am a good friend, a creative individual, and a loyal confidant- all those qualities have nothing to do with my being gay.

I’m not even after acceptance. I don’t need their approval. I don’t want them worrying about me, my future, and my battles because I’ve always managed to do these things on my own. I prefer it that way, actually. Maybe what I want is just simply for them to acknowledge the fact. It seems to me that all my sufferings, my efforts in trying to excel and win respect, my feelings—I feel that they are only real to me alone. I want my family, the people closest to me, to just look me in the eye and say, “I know.” I don’t need everyone to be nice to me, but I do want them to at least understand where I am coming from.

ANTM Cycle 4 Best Moments Captured

September 9, 10Am Dear Diary, I got in!! I'm in LA for America's Next Top Model! I'm gonna be the next Tyra Banks!! I'll win this sucker!!
September 9,10:14Am Dear Diary, F&$#^! I haaate everyone! Why did I get cut first?! That wasn't even 15 minutes of fame! Mga Hayup kayoooo! Hayuuuuup!
Michelle: What's the first photoshoot? Smurf crossed with a troll? Shit! How am I gonna go back to my boyfriend? I'll just go all the way and be a muff diver.
Keenyah does a Miss USA.
Tiffany: America's Next Most Wanted to America's Next Top Model.
Tyra blowing a fuse with Tiffany's attitude. She was also pissed at PNTM's choice of host.
Ruffa? Ruffaaa? Who the f*ck is that? That bitch is gonna ruin my show!! Oh no you di-int!
Nole Marin, Queen Nefertiti herself. "Bakit kaya sumali and mga itech! Hindi naman kagandahan!"
Brita: "I'm wearing completely sheer underwear! How am I supposed to feel comfortable posing like this?"
Nigel: "This is a fashion shoot. It's not about comfort. Now, spread your legs and show me some labia."
Poor Brita gets eliminated first AND have a horny cameraman zoom into her boobs. America's Next Top Hooters na lang salihan mo day..

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Looking Forward to the Day I Could Love Someone Like That

I will not be writing so much for this post, except a short introduction. I found this beautiful post from a great, great blog called Life Funtastique. Click on the link to see the webpage.

Last night N, my partner, asked me whether I still love him.
And he sounded really serious because this was when we were just having our nightly ritual of “talking” like very old couple, hugging our donnas before going to sleep. I stopped a little bit from putting on my moisturizers. And I kept silent for awhile to keep him guessing. Not answering his question.
Well, we talk a lot about the day’s work, our projects, our house, the future and the past, everything and anything! We talk like lovers, old friend and sometimes enemy, bitches, and just old and tired queens.

And then the “question”.
Living for almost six years now is like living forever. There were ups and downs in our relationship. There were a hundred times when I want to call it quits. For a thousand and different reasons and whims. And I know it is true with him too. But then we talk it out. And we talk a lot. And we cleared the air. We forgive and forget. And we go on.

I think I have changed. And I think N has too. We were not the same persons we were when we first met. And the word LOVE has taken on different colors, different meaning, some attachments, maybe depths, images and connotations. And as we changed, that word LOVE has changed as well. A lot.

Being the younger person, I tend to be whimsical. Sometimes unreasonable. But N could be very juvenile too. And his anger really gets into me. Our imperfections, our moods and limitations are all in play in the constant battle in the game called LOVE and commitment.
And back to that “question”.

So I remembered a poem that really hit me and became my torch song when confronted with this wall.
It was borrowed/used by my brother in his wedding five years ago. I found the poem really powerful… somewhat very juvenile, selfish and yet very mature and loving, so cold and yet so passionate. Like sunshine, fire and rain and storm combined!
And even as I read it today, it still rings the same flavor and strong emotions as it had on me years ago.
And I thought, this is me.
My kind of love.
My soul.
And the answer to N’s question.

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know one thing.
You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life,and you decide to leave me at the shoreof the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land.
But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved,and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine
x x x

Take me to Bed..

I just love Mabuhay Miles. My mom earned enough points from her roundtrip MNL-LAX and domestic flights at PAL for a free roundtrip ticket! There was actually no waiting; as soon as the accrued points were posted, I went to PAL to get a ticket (I only had to pay the tax).

I’ve already informed my twinsis-slash-hag that I’d be visiting the last weekend of July. My friend who works in Japan is also coming home the same month so its gonna be a very busy weekend.

Aside from seeing my old team, former colleagues and friends, me and the girls will be prowling the dance floors of Bed and Government. Gosh, I can remember the last time I went to bed (before the renovation, I think)- I was on the dance floor and these guys were handing out lollipops. I was of course quite tipsy from the drinks, and I’ve lost my friends somewhere in the crowd. The cute guy next to me remarked something about the lollipops (I couldn’t even remember!) and I thought it was hilarious! I love the drunk, uninhibited me, the next thing I know we were kissing in the middle of the dance floor! I didn’t even get his name..

The anticipation gets me weak in the knees hehe! Too bad I don’t have enough time to go to Galera. It would have been fun now that the gang is getting together.. On that note, I actually would love to have coffee with other bloggers here ; ) I’d be arriving Friday morning and be leaving Sunday afternoon.. I hope you guys will be free so I can put that in my itinerary. See ya!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Hilarious Things I Did In The Name of Beauty

Except for those people who have very advanced Gaydars, a layman would not know I’m gay (heck, years of practice made me quite good at hiding it). I’m not effeminate, I don’t wear any powder or gloss, no accessory that would suggest Tinkerbell and myself were related.

Truth of the matter is, I’m worry about my looks like any self-respecting queer. Here’s a testimonial from one of my friends, Mitchiko Dizon:

Thaddeus Hinunangan! Well what can I say about this person? Let me say 2 words that would describe him the best.. SHOPAHOLIC and VAIN!! But in fairness to you my friend you have good taste! If you want to know the best beauty secrets ask him, he’s the master! This guys has a lot of dreams, I mean a lot! But once he wants something really bad he would plan (as in plan!) everything just to achieve it! Just look at where he is right now!

By the way, this was written just around the time I got promoted, not when I resigned lol! Ok, so before becoming quite the beauty guru, I had a lot of disastrous experiences experimenting and learning along the way. Here are a few of them:

Getting a Tattoo to Look Sexy
Perhaps I’m regretting it now that I’m preparing to be in the medical profession, but before, it was urgent for me to get a tattoo. I thought I needed a little oomph because I was too safe and goody-goody. Plus I had this move (in my heyday) where I casually mention that I have a tattoo, then instead of lifting my sleeve (it was on my tricep) I would unbutton the front to my shirt so that my date gets to peek at my boobs LOL! And then he gets the message ; )

Double eyelids!
I saw this infomercial of Japanese people who put this glue on their lids to create a crease that makes the eyes look bigger. I improvised mine by using masking tape, which was fine until I hurried to my first period in Diliman, and the Taho vendor saying, “Sir, ano po yung nasa mga mata ninyo?” Even I couldn’t stop giggling. Guilty!

Homemade facials
I would start by putting Ponds Cond Cream, tissue it off then reapply (with matching music from my walkman, I was alone in my dorm room). Then I would use a damp Good Morning LOL! towel to methodically massage my face in circular motion. And, with Material Girl playing in the background I used a water heater to boil water in a small basin so I could steam my face. This was fine till the basin became soft and nearly melted! I had to stop and choose a simpler routine before I burn the whole boarding house in the name of beauty.

Using an exfoliant.. on my ass
I imagined my ass looking as flawless and pink as Kristine Hermosa’s face (sorry Tin!), so I bought Extraderm exfoliant number 3 and applied it “there”. After a few days I felt a bit itchy, and then I barely grazed the area when 3 cubic centimeters of skin fell off!! My heart beat so erratically, “Lord, I love my ass skin too much, please bring it back to normal!”. Lotion did the trick. Got it, never use chemical exfoliants “down there”.

Overtweezing to the point that I looked like a creature from StarTrek:Deep Space Nine
I once saw in a beauty book that one’s eyebrows should start where the nose ends (click here to see an illustration) unfortunately, that only applied to Caucasians whose noses were generally thinner. For us Pinoys, we are on the wider side. So anyway, I went ahead, and the results were my eyebrows were sooo wide apart I always looked surprised. Good thing I learned the trick with Vitamin E so it grew back quickly.

Tip: don’t try these at home ; )

Beauty IQ 2

Ready your printers as we move to part 2 of our Beauty IQ.

(Better thank Miss Jan for suggesting this ; )

“..Is a tripeptide molecule composed of glutamic acid, cysteine and glysine. It is one of the main nonprotein antioxidants in the cell, and has been reffered to as the body’s “master antioxidant.”

Glutathione is present in nearly all living cells, and without it they can’t survice. The major functions of glutathione in the body include protecting cells against destructive effects of free radicals; detoxifying external substances such as drugs, environmental pollutants and carcinogens; maintaining cell membrane stability; and amino acid transport..”

- Ward Dean, MD Click here to see the whole article.
In plain English, it simply states that Glutathione is 1. present in our bodies 2. Has an antioxidant effect (neutralizes free radicals much like what Vitamin C and E does, but a lot more powerful).

This comes in pill form (what is currently available on the market), and is marketed as a Skin Whitener. I’ve always been a firm believer in eating the right foods instead of stocking on supplements and eating poorly. As usual. Consult a physician before trying anything. I just don’t get it why people love to have paler complexions.. Dark skin is fabulous! You can get away with a lot of things (a little weight gain or cellulite is not as visible on tan skin), trust me.

Alpha Tocopheryl Acetate

Look on the label: d-alpha Tocopheryl Acetate (Natural) and dl-alpha Tocopheryl Acetate (synthetic). I repeat, d- Natural, dl synthetic. Why is this important? Natural Vitamin E is more readily absorbed by the body than synthetic Vitamin E. That’s why the price is comparatively higher.

I found a variety of uses for Vitamin E. For topical applications, use 400IU (I believe Myra E has a face cream that has Vitamin E). I break open a soft gel to: 1. Prevent scarring after popping a pimple 2. Moisturize intensively those sunburned areas (may feel a little sticky, but trust me its all better the next day- versus using ordinary lotions) 3. Getting your eyebrows to grow back after overzealous tweezing 4. You’ll love this- applied directly and patiently (and gently) at night to eyelashes makes them grow! I got that tip from a model’s Beauty Bible, a book I practically memorized in Powerbooks, yet never bought (P2,000? C’mon! I’ll just memorize it! The pages were practically dog-eared from my reading hihihi)

Pyrithione Zinc
Abbreviated as ZnP, is an antifungal agent best known for its use in treating dandruff. Look at the back of your Head & Shoulders, you’ll find it under active ingredients.

Aluminum Zirconium
No, this isn’t what your stainless steel sink is made of. It is actually an active ingredient in antiperspirants. Make sure you are not allergic, so try a variety of antiperspirants that does the job, and doesn’t cause irritation or darkening (yikes!).

Benzoyl Peroxide
There are a lot of brands, and different preparations- there are bars, facial wash, gels, etc. The best I’ve tried is Pan Oxyl. Always start with the lowest concentration so that there is less chance of irritation. The best pimple treatment ever. Period. Warning: Wash fingers after application because Benzol Peroxide bleaches fabrics. Sayang naman ang So-en mo LOL!

Tea Tree Oil
Is a clear to very pale golden color essential oil. It is taken from the leaves of the Melaleuca alternifolia. It is a potent antiseptic and is a known antifungal agent. The Body Shop has this range of Tea Tree Oil products you can try.

Zinc Oxide
Chemical formula ZnO. It is a primary ingredient in Sunblocks. It is less opaque than Titanium Dioxide, which means less Chin Chun Su effect (i.e. no white cast).

Retinyl Palmitate, Retinol
Vitamin A also is known as retinol. It is necessary for development and maintenance of normal skin, as well as other tissues and bones. It is consumed in the diet and stored in the liver. Retinol circulates from the liver to the skin and other tissues. Once in the tissues, retinol is converted to retinoic acid (same as Retin A & Renova). Retinoic acid is thought to be the retinoid having the biggest impact on new skin development. Many researchers agree that most retinoids can cause the skin epidermis to become thicker plumper and more youthful looking.

I trust you will now know the lingo and decipher the maze of active ingredients they put in your favorite face cream. Got any queries or suggestions for a topic? E-mail me or leave a comment ; )

Stopwatch Romances

What’s wrong with me? I don’t seem to measure the longevity of my relationships using a calendar. Instead I use a stopwatch. Let’s take a look at my affairs over the years. I’ll just fake names instead of their real names to protect the not-so-innocent.

Jon 60:00:00:00 Legend: Days/Hours/Minutes/Seconds

I saw him at my first PLU party. He was playing pool, looking so suave, tall and unapproachable.. I on the other hand was so awkward as I was new to this. I huddled close to some twinks I just met and pretended to converse. Guess where I finally got his number? I saw his nick on MIRC and so we exchanged numbers and agreed to meet.

We went out a couple of times and he was actually the longest I was in a relationship with. I would never forget the time we made out in my boardmate’s bed and the straight guy knocking on the door while we were doing it.

The grand total? 2 months. We were both simply too immature to handle a relationship.

Don 14:00:00:00

Remember the guy from the office? That’s him. We used to be very sweet, sometimes just eat together at the pantry. It was all good, and we went out a couple of times. One time he invited me to his place (My boss incidentally was one of his housmates) and we ended up doing it in the tub since there were people everywhere- sala, bedrooms, kitchen LOL! Luckily my boss was not yet done with his shift when I left.

Total: About 2 weeks..

Bruce 05:00:00:00

The Mama’s boy I met thru an officemate. Boyish, charming and quite smart.. I was smitten and I thought I was feeling something and made the mistake of telling him. Another thing: He’s always Mama this, Mama that.. I have to go home because Mama said.. Oh dear. Next!

Total: Less than a week

Rafael 02:00:00:00

He was really great. A typical yuppie until I learned he already was in a long term relationship. We never got that intimate though (Thank God!) but the attraction eventually turned to friendship and he was actually my frequent Galera companion.

Total: 2 days

Einar 00:00:05:00

We met in a bar in Galera, one drunken night. It seemed he was straight at first, but later he bumped and grinded with me. Tipsy, and with no inhibitions, I invited him to our hotel (my now-friend Rafael was with me during this trip). We tried to do the deed but Einar was just too hammered. The relationship ended as soon as he came. The selfish bastard!

Pick Me Up

We’ve all been there. I once had just received a 40K+ paycheck for two weeks worth of work plus the delayed prorated salary increase, had great friends, just moved in to my first apartment, and I’ve been seeing a cutie.. Yet my mood sagged lower than an 80 year old’s boobs. Perhaps those are just days when you realize what you wanted wasn’t really what would made you happy. Or maybe I missed my folks. Or maybe “meron” lang ako nun. (hehe!)

For those days when we feel a little under the weather we need some cheering up. Loud friends and fun night outs help, but let me suggest some things you can do.

Shake the Dust Off
Maybe you carry too much baggage (past relationships, broken friendships, holding a grudge against someone) and its time to put those on the trash chute. If that doesn’t do it, confront what’s bothering you so you can deal with it and move on.

Losing it, In My Terms
During the time my parent’s marriage was on the rocks, I took most of the impact. I played mediator, not only to Mama and Papa but to the warring sides of their families. My solution? During the height of it all, I would leave the house at 6:30am (so I would avoid a confrontation with my Dad) Eat all my meals at school, and go home at 11:30pm, hammered. I’m not endorsing alcohol here, but let me explain: I am a very controlled person who always did the right thing and always got good grades.. It was simply too much for me to deal with all those and have the discipline I had. So I let go of my control (I told myself It’s human to blow a fuse once in a while) on one condition: I don’t mess up my grades. Well, I did let go that week but learned other ways to cope (see below), for the record I still had a 1.73 GWA during that sem.

Have a Little Faith
After my Karen Walker phase, I started going to church again. My approach this time was to tone down the crazy and pray a little bit more. I did feel a lot peaceful when I attended the 5:30 mass everyday after class. I was able to study pretty well for the midterms and I was less angry and snappish when Papa and I had another episode.

Put it in Perspective
Whatever it is can’t be that bad. Some people in Somalia have bigger problems than you. So stop whining, take a deep breath and do something productive.

BLOGWATCH: Misterhubs

My day won’t be complete without checking this blog. Well written and wonderfully entertaining, his entries will have you giggling at his hilarious critiques (like on this year’s Fashion Week), funny recounts of Philippines Next Top Model episodes, and a fresh spin on mundane everyday things (I can never forget Misterhubs Does Number Two—a classic ; )

This guy is obsessed with Leandro Okabe (who isn’t?), and religiously updates the eye-candy’s latest pics. Don’t miss posts like “Rejected Album Titles” and “The KASOLAH”, or the priceless “Local Celebrities and their Animal Look-alikes.” He covers a longer list of topics than Celine Dion’s cathedral-length veil.

Click here to view Dennis Trillo’s Gay Kissing Scene – one of my favorites.
Definitely worth a look. Watch out for more Blogwatch ; )

The Bachelor daw , According to an Online Dating Quiz

The Bachelor
Deliberate Gentle Sex Master (DGSM)

Straight-up. Studly. Congratulations, you are The Bachelor.

You're an honest, good-thinking guy, and though you're very sexually active, people don't perceive you as a male-slut or man-whore or guy-dick-putter-inner or whatever. You have a sterling reputation.

You're a careful person, perhaps too much so for your friends' tastes, but guys like that in you. You probably don't kiss & tell. And you definitely don't brag. You know you don't have to prove anything to anyone. It's as if you believe in monogamy, so long as it's with lots of different people.

Our guess is that you've got some kind of word-of-mouth going with the boys out there, and that in the future, your sex partners will get even more plentiful, and more attractive, too.

Your exact male opposite:
The Manchild

Random Brutal Love Dreamer
You will settle down eventually, and make an excellent husband. You seem like the type who is into the idea of making copies of yourself, so you'll probably kids. Bear in mind, meanwhile, this can get expensive.

ALTERNATE ENDING: You will die broke and alone. Vermin will feast on your ragged body for five days before the groundskeeper notices. The thing is, when somebody dies in a public restroom, the natural odor of his decomposing flesh is often masked by the feces smell.


CONSIDER: The Bachelor (DGSM), The Backrubber (DGSD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Beauty IQ

This article is dedicated to the best Organic Chem instructor- Mizz Janeth (Odiba Vungga! kapangalan nya si Miss Jackson, may “H” pa!). Honestly, I looked forward to those classes because she makes it always interesting. She usually comes in flushed, after climbing four flights of stairs in heels. The most remarkable thing about her is that she gives the syllabus, lecture, and experiments straight up without glancing at a book or her notes. She knows what she’s doing- and I knew we were in capable hands. Other classes would study alkanes this week, then alkenes the following week. Mizz J gave us most of the basic functional groups in one sitting! She certainly encourages us to think; too bad we were not able to do the experiment on soap making or making your own fragrance. That would have been a hoot!

Back to the topic. Do you know what the ingredients are in your beauty products? What you put in your hair, face, body can certainly affect your looks. Allow the beauty expert (that’s me hehe) to clue you in on what these hifaluting ingredients are, and what they do. Don’t worry, we won’t deal with their molecular structures ; )

Sodium Laureth Sulfate
This is a detergent and surfactant. In English: it is a foamer used in soaps, shampoos, toothpaste, etc. This allows better distribution of the product while washing. The only downside is that (depending on the formula) it can cause loss of moisture from the top layer of the skin.

Cetyl Alcohol
When a layman thinks of alcohol a picture of Family Rubbing Alcohol (di lang pampamilya, pang-isports pa! lol!) or maybe a bottle of Johnny Walker. Relax, Cetyl Alcohol is usually used as an emollient (skin softener), emulsifier, and thickener in creams and lotions.

Glyceryl Stearate
Derived from natural stearic acid and glycerin, used as an emulsifier and emollient in cosmetic preparations. Glycerin is a humectant that attracts moisture from the air. An example? Those Neutrogena Glycerin soaps.

Has anti-bacterial properties. This is sometimes used in pimple fighting facial wash. The downside: studies suggest that triclosan can combine with the chlorine in tap water to produce chloroform gas, which is a carcinogen. Yikes!

Is a botanical extract found in comfrey root, it is healing, soothing, and non-allergenic. This is an excellent anti-irritant.

Salicylic acid
Probably one of the best acne-fighting ingredients (I always look for this on the boxes). It treats acne by causing skin cells to slough off more readily, preventing the pores from clogging up. Beware of combining acne treatments such as Salicylic acid and Benzoyl Peroxide without consulting your dermatologist. This may cause dryness and irritation.

Sources: Some of the sources of information were my years and years of reading Allure and other magazines, others from my own observations, others from Wikipedia.

Stick around for part two of Beauty IQ!

Digging Deep

On those peaceful moments at dawn (the time I usually write), the whole house sleeps. My laptop rests atop a coffee table, and the incandescent glow of the streetlight filters through the French windows. I never turn on the fluorescent lights lest it ruin the mood
(bad for my eyes, I know). In the silence, I hear the hum of the air-conditioner, the tick of the clock, and I could swear I am back again in my two-bedroom apartment in Makati. I see myself hurriedly preparing for my shift (yet redoing my necktie several times), grabbing some leftover food from the fridge before leaving. Maybe the hustle of those days never really allowed me to think.

The stillness of the house allows memories to flood back. Why did I leave again? I was so sure back then I even influenced some of my colleagues to leave as well. A friend said: “..Di ko pa nakakalimutan yung time when you told me that you're ready to leave Infonxx and move on... Very gutsy indeed... Ayan sumunod tuloy ako...” After moving back home and deciding to study again, my confidence is shaken. I miss work and the lifestyle that came with it, and I sometimes think I’ve made a mistake.

I really had to ask myself questions like, What are my motivations? What would make me happy? And most importantly: Why am I doing this? and What is my purpose? I know you are probably cringing over there and shaking your head. I know this is not one of my crazy, entertaining posts like those parodies or those funny incidents. I really felt I needed to figure this out and, for the benefit of our younger readers, post the article. Hey, I can do more than just write about fantasies and sexual conquests! ; )

To answer this question, maybe I needed to look beyond myself. To be a better son, apo, kuya, uncle. To be a good friend, and a good citizen. These are the reasons why I get up in the morning and move my sexy ass (LOL!) out of bed and start my day. I may have my reasons for my competitiveness and my desire to be on top (although I’ve always been a bottom, if you know what I mean ; ) enough of the sexual undertones, Thad!).

I’d be lost, not because I don’t know who I am, but because I’ve forgotten who I am doing this for. There, that’s what I was looking for. The Reason. I believe I just had an epiphany.

The Lad Before Ladlad

For my 50th post, I have decided to write something a little bit more personal- just bits and pieces about me and my life.

Early days

My grandmother tells me I’ve always been quite a character. When I was about three years old, our helper was asked to fetch me from Nanay’s house (my mother sends me to her mom for the day while my parents are at work), I apparently sent the helper away by firmly and eloquently saying that I will not do so until my mother herself fetches me. My grandmother laughed and she remembers so vividly because I spoke like someone much older, with a matter-of-fact tone. And so the helper had no choice but to go back and get my mom.

I was quite a willful kid. In high school, I secretly placed “Diliman” in my first choice in the application form for UPCAT (University of the Philippines College Admission Test), intending to go far away as possible from Tacloban. Well, it worked and I was one of the five students from Leyte High to go to UPD for the 1997 batch.

Country Lass, este Lad pala

UP was a revelation for me. I was really impressed with my classmates because most of them were either Valedictorians or Salutatorians, some were extremely wealthy, driving shiny cars to school. I thought I was pretty good with drafting, but so were the rest of the population at the College of Architecture. I struggled for a bit, but by the second semester I was on my feet and having the time of my life.

I had a lot of hilarious promdi incidents. One time, I tried getting off the Ikot Jeep as it passed the façade of Palma Hall (didn’t know we had to get off at the waiting shed)—I knocked on the roof of the jeep like we used to do in Tacloban. “Bukas ‘yan.” The driver said. Other passengers were sneering at me, and later burst into hysterical giggles as I further tried to get the jeep to stop. “Sa babaan lang.” He says to me. Got it.

My cousin was nice enough to show me around. I could never get over the fact that it was crowded everywhere, and traffic was always bad. He asked me if he wanted to go to a movie, and I looked around Megamall and said, “Ang dami ng tao. Wag muna.” To which my cousin replied “Palaging maraming tao dito.” It was later on when I was already working did I realize what a dump Mega was compared to other upscale Malls.

Defining Moment, a.k.a.Who Popped My Cherry

One of the most significant moments of my life (Ching!), because it was when I really came to terms with my sexuality. I mean, I remember this incident in high school when one of my male classmates hugged me. It was a strange feeling, this subtle .. excitement. That un-nameable emotion that I could not put a finger to. I knew normal boys don’t feel that way so I had a suspicion I was different. I never really acted on it. My first time (kiss and you-know-what) was with a friend who also went to UP Diliman.

We were at his place watching music videos. Mariah was singing “Breakdown” and I was quite absorbed at the screen. Then I sensed my friend was beside me. The next thing I know we were kissing and touching each other. I don’t know whether it was the fact that we were alone, or it was the music, but I was just lost in the moment. As he lay me on the bed I saw that look in his eyes (something akin to “I want you!”) and I knew for certain, in that moment, that I had as much fairly blood running through my veins as Tinkerbell. Etching!!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

More Taklesa Moments With Karen Walker

I just can't get enough of Karen's antics. Here is the part two of the Will and Grace funniest bits. Watch out for part 3.. Enjoy!
Karen gets mad as Rosie forgets to pack her morning liquor. "Damn that Rosario, after my body accepts her liver I'm done with her!"
Grace: "I was so hungry I almost got up and poured myself some juice."
Karen: "When you pour your own juice you take away a job from someone who came to this country in a crate or an inner tube".
Grace: "I just don't know how." Karen: "Oh, you're a little rusty... The old whore is rusty."
Will, mad that Jack persuaded Vince's sister to come out during Thanksgiving dinner. "This has to be the perfect dinner and I'm not gonna get you or any other lesbian to ruin it!"
A Half-Middle-eastern assistant who just caused Grace to loose her client: "I better pray for you to get your client back. It's better from an east-facing bar."
Jack on Jack Talk gets worked up and points a finger at his guest: "George Takei is a prancing, giggling queen!! And I will not slander his good name by implying he's straight."
Karen to Rosie on her newly-hired surrogate: "Please arrange for a closet of clothes, her favorite foods, and the implantation of her tracking device."
Cricket to Rosie: "Is this bitch for real?"
Rosie: "Miss Karen, we have a little visitor."
Karen: "For goodness sake, I'm not your mother. You know where the tampons are."
Rosie: "It's your stepdaughter Olivia, you Ghost of Christmas Passed Out!
Karen: "I just love it when your slams turn seasonal. It means Christmas is just around the corner. What the hell is she doing here anyway?"
Rosie: Her ugly mother and fat brother are in the hospital. They are sucking out part of his stomach and putting it in her flat fanny."
Jack: "Ah, the circle of life."

Mrs. Jon Mullaly

I know, right? It’s too soon for me to get married, I mean I just turned 18! LOL! “Jon,” I said. “It’s too soon.. You know my parents would disapprove.” I said huskily as I tossed my beautiful blonde hair. “Ok, just come sit on my lap baby.” Jon said.

I was getting frustrated.. “How many times do I have to say, I’m not going to give you my flower!.. I’m really saving it for our special night.” I said as I teasingly adjusted my Victoria’s Secret lace crotchless teddy. I slinked over to him and ran my fingers slowly down his chest. “But I could do you a favor or two..”

Bleep! Bleep! Bleeeeeeep! Shit! It’s my alarm clock! Damn, my I’m-an-18-year-old-Victoria’s-Secret-Brazilian-Model-frolicking-with-Jon-Mullaly dream is over! Oh well, here are his pics ; )
Aww. Just look at that teeny tiny perfectly-shaped mouth. He looks like Cupid ; )
Here he is doing a James Bond.. in purple.
In Versace.
Hands off my baby!
Sure knows how to work that camera.
I'll sure have that sit-on-his-lap dream again tonight. Jon- I'll put out this time, I'm removing the batteries from my alarm clock LOL!

Underdog wins the 3rd Cycle of Philippines Next Top Model

February 2009 Paris Weekly Headline:
L'opprimé gagne le troisième cycle de Philippines prochain Top Model!
Brazilian Vogue:
El oprimido gana el tercer ciclo de Filipinas Top Model siguiente!

Manila. The world sets it eyes on the Philippines as another winner is declared as the Next Big Thing in the Fashion Industry. Resurrecting from Cycle 2’s tragic end (a 9-11 like disaster that annihilated all contestants; brought about not by hijacked planes, but rather an oversize fortune teller- see previous article), the Japanese who partied with the girls before the unfortunate ‘lil accident decided to produce the third cycle.

The canine community rejoiced as Ms. Fugly S. Lut, a half German Shepherd won against all odds. Miss Lut was a runner-up in the Half-Breed Summit last year (a plus-size half-chimp won the grand prize) and she was determined to win this time. Considered, the underdog in the competition- both literally and figuratively, Miss Lut gave it her all and scratched, salivated, and bit her way to the top!

Miss Tyra herself hosted the grueling 12 week competition. This year, it was an all-out war as women, trannies, extra-terrestrials, and circus freaks competed and transformed themselves into elegant top models. The Top Model suite was in Milan.. Yes, Milan St. Culiat, QC. The final five proceeded to a more exotic location – the Manacagan Mountains in Eastern Visayas. They were greeted by Mrs. Marcos herself (now a head of a cult), who gushed at the contestants. “Assvvm, what lovely dogs! When is the dogshow?”

Challenge after challenge, the freaks battled it out till there were only two- Miss Lut and a fierce, exotic woman who was so thin she looked like a praying mantis. The final runway challenge was a high wire act in 10 inch heels, wearing a 300 pound hat, naked from waist down. The wire ran through a deep abyss, and was extremely terrifying. Yet the two contestants went ahead and competed amidst the press and animal rights activists.

Cameras clicked as the music pumped and Miss Mantis sashayed on the wire. She did fine until the final 5 meters where she slipped, and promptly sliced herself in two on the wire. Miss J, the runway diva, was not happy. She went over to Miss Lut and pushed the bitch to the wire and commanded her to “have presence”. Miss Lut started wobbly but soon gained confidence. As she neared the middle, the cable snapped! She was sure she would share the fate of her competitor, but luckily her ankles got tangled in the wire and she swung back to the platform. The press were excited, they leaned and clicked their cameras away. Miss Lut snarled and scratched and bit the boards to avoid falling. Fortunately her teeth were much stronger than concrete nails, she was able to climb up, mouth dripping, and move to safety. She lost a foot, but hey, she won right?

6 Guys to Avoid

I've had my fair share of bad dates, and for some of our sisters who are only beginning to play the field, allow me to give some tips. Dating: it's about getting to know the person.. Don't get smitten because nothing is for certain here. A lot of unexpected things can still happen- like him suddenly disappearing into thin air (even after a spectacular first date or first you-know-what). Think boundaries, don't "put out" right away.
Watch out for these red flags though, let me tell you they are a complete waste of time.
He's had a girlfriend before and likes spending time with you. The problem is that he is still confused about his sexuality. Don't expect this relationship to go any further unless those issues are resolved. Honey, you got enough problems on your own.
Oh great, he's about to make a Galema out of you. Don't turn into a home wrecker! Even if he is the best looking guy you've seen, its not worth it being Number 2. I once had a married guy ask me out and I told him, "Go back to your wife." Odiba ang taray?! You know what they say.. "When you're in love with a married man, don't wear mascara." Iiyak ka lang ng iyak in the end.
The Straight Tripper
The macho guy who is game for anything. A few drinks with him and he wants to "see what its like". For some this is their dream scenario. I don't know, maybe its the fact that I'm already done with that phase.. But I just want something that will last more than a season of a bad TV sineserye.
The saddest, most common guys that some older queens date. From food, to allowance, to rent, to tuition fees, you have to be the one to pay. You even beat the Phillipine National Bank for the most number of remittances! Etching! Superbrands ka na pala. Well, if you have the moolah, why not?

The Mama’s Boy
This is by far the most infuriating of the bunch. The rest I can handle with ease, and then comes an intelligent, cute charmer. You go on a nice date, hold hands under the stars, go to Rockwell for a second date. Until you find out later that he practically has to ask permission from his Momma if he can have sex with you. C'mon!
The “Katrina”
He has more sexual conquests than the maximum number of permutations of a ten digit electronic raffle. Ilan yon? Hmmm nPr= 3,628,800. Ibang level na ito. If you feel an itch somewhere have it checked pronto! Di 'yan sign ng paparating na pera gagah!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Wanna Be On Top? PNTM Cycle 2

Nanananana, nananana, nanana!

It’s the new season of Philippines Next Top Model, watch out as the most gorgeous Filipinas battle it out for the 1,000 peso cash prize (“big cash prize”) a contract with Kawasaki Models, the newest top modeling agency in the Philippines, and the chance to be the new face of “Placenta ni Mystica”, a fabulous skincare line.

Since Rufina has quit the show to try desperately to repair what is left of her marriage, the producers chose the vivacious Mystica to host the show. (Mystica appears on the screen, dressed in head-to-toe lavender fishnet body stocking, red talons, and silver thigh high spike boots. “Wanna be on towp?” She croaks.

Top model wannabes: Selena Sevilla, Madame Auring, Mahal, and a host of forgettable former-bold-stars who are determined to bag the prize.

At the Top Model Flat,
a.k.a. a dilapidated structure somewhere in Quiapo
“Isa sa ating tatlo ang mananalo.” Predicts Madame Auring. “Basta ako confident ako.” Says Selena, the singer of the immortal “Nilunok Kong Lahat”. After servicing the entire crew, starting from the director down to the security guards, the Lunok Diva was sure she would win. She has several stretch marks now on her throat as a result. The diminutive Mahal prays, “Sana ako manalo, para kay Jimboy ito.”
Riiiiing! The payphone on the street corner rings (they couldn’t pay PLDT so the phone in the flat was disconnected). The girls huddle together. Mystica screeches, “Giiirls! Get ready for your challenge: gagawa kayo ng inyong sariling skincare product. Bukas na ang judging kaya gawin nyo na! Pupunta ako dyan mamaya para i-guide kayo. Meron din tayong mga Japanese investors kaya dapat maghugas kayo ng mga pekpek nyo!”

Mystica and the girls
The party starts to get rowdy and Mystica is shown dancing on the tables. After the gropefest, the group huddles as Mystica gives them pointers on how to squeeze more money out of men. “Girls, dito rin ako matutulog para mag bonding tayo!” Shrieks of delight were heard as they hugged each other excitedly.

Mahal, still tipsy, was still worried about the challenge. She still has no clue what to bring the next day. She looked over at Mystica who was sleeping spread-eagled. “Aha! Alam ko na!” She exclaims, in her high-pitched creepy voice. She crawls over to Mystica and suddenly thrusts her chubby hands between the hostess’s legs, intending to take out the “placenta”. “AAAAeeeeeee!” The whole room awakens. Mystica, outraged, whipped out her talons and dismembers poor Mahal.

Selena tries to save her friend but Mystica’s claws were already on her throat. Madame Auring throws her body at Mystica and Selena but the sheer impact brought shockwaves that damaged the flat’s roof. The whole building caves in and with this Cycle 2 ends.
Nanananana, nanananana, Boooom!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Gym Stories

Don't you just hate it when people don't follow gym etiquette? Here are some of the most annoying things that really pisses me off:
1. Women sitting around hogging the equipment. I would understand if you needed a rest between sets, but come on! 30 minutes sitting on a machine fiddling with your cell is not a workout. Move your ass, that ought to burn calories!

2. Men who try to impress by lifting 1 ton of weight, and all the while screaming like a little girl as they try to lift it. I usually see this coming when a bunch of "body builders" come in. Here goes! AAARRRRGGGHH.. EEEEEE!! Can you guys put yourselves on mute, please? Better yet, move a mile away. Sheesh!
3. Men who come on to you while working out. Once I was on a treadmill and this old queen used the one next to me.. I was quite polite at first, but as she pressed on asking for my lifestory I just had to cut my cardio time. Memo to all queers: cruising schedule is after the workouts, venue locker room.

4. Men who leave the equipments slathered in their sweat. Yuck! Even if the guy is the best looking in the gym, its just gross!! You are already slipping as it is, your grip isn't gonna get better with his Datu Puti slathered on the weights and benches.
5. Men make pa-contest with you to see who can lift heavier weights. Straight men do this because of the ego thing. I know I'm not tall and strong so forgive me for not using the Arnold Schwarzenegger-size weights.

But its not all bad stuff.. I'll also share some of the fun moments I've had:
1. I drank a cute guy’s water. (Accidentally daw, ching!) And, realizing my water was with my locker keys on another machine, I quickly returned his bottle, anticipating an ass-kicking. Instead, he went ahead and drank it. (If he was aware or unaware of what I did, I'll never know) Uyyy! hehe

2. At Fitness First RCBC, I was using a leg machine (the one where you spread your thigh) and looked at the guy in front of me provocatively (OK Guilty!) while I opened and closed hihihi It worked!

3. Stayed in the steam room for sooo long I almost suffocated, well it was worth the sights heheh

4. Someone stole my undies (all my money and phone intact) at the same gym. I had to go back home lest I go to my shift at work commando. I was pissed and flattered at the same time. Awww!
5. Stretching with a cute trainer—the best! Ahihi


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