Saturday, May 26, 2007

Underdog wins the 3rd Cycle of Philippines Next Top Model

February 2009 Paris Weekly Headline:
L'opprimé gagne le troisième cycle de Philippines prochain Top Model!
Brazilian Vogue:
El oprimido gana el tercer ciclo de Filipinas Top Model siguiente!

Manila. The world sets it eyes on the Philippines as another winner is declared as the Next Big Thing in the Fashion Industry. Resurrecting from Cycle 2’s tragic end (a 9-11 like disaster that annihilated all contestants; brought about not by hijacked planes, but rather an oversize fortune teller- see previous article), the Japanese who partied with the girls before the unfortunate ‘lil accident decided to produce the third cycle.

The canine community rejoiced as Ms. Fugly S. Lut, a half German Shepherd won against all odds. Miss Lut was a runner-up in the Half-Breed Summit last year (a plus-size half-chimp won the grand prize) and she was determined to win this time. Considered, the underdog in the competition- both literally and figuratively, Miss Lut gave it her all and scratched, salivated, and bit her way to the top!

Miss Tyra herself hosted the grueling 12 week competition. This year, it was an all-out war as women, trannies, extra-terrestrials, and circus freaks competed and transformed themselves into elegant top models. The Top Model suite was in Milan.. Yes, Milan St. Culiat, QC. The final five proceeded to a more exotic location – the Manacagan Mountains in Eastern Visayas. They were greeted by Mrs. Marcos herself (now a head of a cult), who gushed at the contestants. “Assvvm, what lovely dogs! When is the dogshow?”

Challenge after challenge, the freaks battled it out till there were only two- Miss Lut and a fierce, exotic woman who was so thin she looked like a praying mantis. The final runway challenge was a high wire act in 10 inch heels, wearing a 300 pound hat, naked from waist down. The wire ran through a deep abyss, and was extremely terrifying. Yet the two contestants went ahead and competed amidst the press and animal rights activists.

Cameras clicked as the music pumped and Miss Mantis sashayed on the wire. She did fine until the final 5 meters where she slipped, and promptly sliced herself in two on the wire. Miss J, the runway diva, was not happy. She went over to Miss Lut and pushed the bitch to the wire and commanded her to “have presence”. Miss Lut started wobbly but soon gained confidence. As she neared the middle, the cable snapped! She was sure she would share the fate of her competitor, but luckily her ankles got tangled in the wire and she swung back to the platform. The press were excited, they leaned and clicked their cameras away. Miss Lut snarled and scratched and bit the boards to avoid falling. Fortunately her teeth were much stronger than concrete nails, she was able to climb up, mouth dripping, and move to safety. She lost a foot, but hey, she won right?

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