Sunday, May 27, 2007

Digging Deep

On those peaceful moments at dawn (the time I usually write), the whole house sleeps. My laptop rests atop a coffee table, and the incandescent glow of the streetlight filters through the French windows. I never turn on the fluorescent lights lest it ruin the mood
(bad for my eyes, I know). In the silence, I hear the hum of the air-conditioner, the tick of the clock, and I could swear I am back again in my two-bedroom apartment in Makati. I see myself hurriedly preparing for my shift (yet redoing my necktie several times), grabbing some leftover food from the fridge before leaving. Maybe the hustle of those days never really allowed me to think.

The stillness of the house allows memories to flood back. Why did I leave again? I was so sure back then I even influenced some of my colleagues to leave as well. A friend said: “..Di ko pa nakakalimutan yung time when you told me that you're ready to leave Infonxx and move on... Very gutsy indeed... Ayan sumunod tuloy ako...” After moving back home and deciding to study again, my confidence is shaken. I miss work and the lifestyle that came with it, and I sometimes think I’ve made a mistake.

I really had to ask myself questions like, What are my motivations? What would make me happy? And most importantly: Why am I doing this? and What is my purpose? I know you are probably cringing over there and shaking your head. I know this is not one of my crazy, entertaining posts like those parodies or those funny incidents. I really felt I needed to figure this out and, for the benefit of our younger readers, post the article. Hey, I can do more than just write about fantasies and sexual conquests! ; )

To answer this question, maybe I needed to look beyond myself. To be a better son, apo, kuya, uncle. To be a good friend, and a good citizen. These are the reasons why I get up in the morning and move my sexy ass (LOL!) out of bed and start my day. I may have my reasons for my competitiveness and my desire to be on top (although I’ve always been a bottom, if you know what I mean ; ) enough of the sexual undertones, Thad!).

I’d be lost, not because I don’t know who I am, but because I’ve forgotten who I am doing this for. There, that’s what I was looking for. The Reason. I believe I just had an epiphany.

1 comment:

josh said...

Deep thoughts, self examination, reflections & recollections. These are serious posts dat make me think of my own purpose in life.


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