Stereo blaring, cute guys, that giddy feeling on a Saturday night that is full of promise... And then what? Although being gay nowadays is not as difficult as it once was (even in the Catholic school I study in at present, people's views had started to change and I noticed most Instructors are generally more gender-sensitive and have become more tolerant), I still am left wondering sometimes what would become of me ten, twenty, thirty years from now.
Sure, you're healthy now- active, ready to take on anything, and oh-so-pretty, but what if one day all of that is gone? Perhaps nature did have a point in male-female attraction: their union yields offsprings. I've seen my high school friends get married and have kids, and when we see each other and talk- it seems like they have completely changed their point of views about life. Being a Mom or Dad certainly would change a person's priorities, but I'm surprised even their personalities have undergone subtle shifts. I can't put a finger on it, but even just by looking at them I can tell: they've grown up.
On to the next phase in life: rearing a kid. Of course that is not for everyone, I also know of single straight friends who doesn't necessarily see a baby coming into their lives. As for me, I wonder. Will I live on my own? With a partner? Would I grow old with no kids?
I don't want to be deprived of life-altering roles like being a parent (and therefore also deprived of certain joys of family life). Being gay makes it a little bit difficult- I can't be with a woman, that much I know.
Would it still be cute if I go to clubs and party when I'm fifty? I think not. Someday I'm going to have to put aside those trendy low-rise jeans, but what would become of me? I've always insisted we can become valuable and integral members of society, and that we have as much capacity for happiness as any regular family person, but secretly, I still have my doubts.