Friday, March 6, 2009

Thong Torture

I had on my new Adidas running shoes, and was feeling quite good. It was early in the morning, and I just simply threw on my shorts and white T-shirt, XpressMusic phone, and started jogging to the bayside avenue from our house (the distance approximately the length of Ayala Ave.).

In my rush I forgot to bring money- in case I wanted to get a ride back or perhaps buy pandesal from a bakery; I also neglected to bring a bottle of water. The twist, in this otherwise regular Saturday, is that underneath, I was wearing a thong.

I don’t really know what got into me. It was black, 15% Lycra, the style entirely unforgiving (unlike modest trunks that can still flatter a less-than-sculptured shape) - with a few hairs that don’t normally see daylight, peeking. Not to mention my family jewels slightly being squished. The back part was no more than strings that formed a “T”. I felt kind of sexy and silly, having this little secret concealed inside my shorts. I smiled to myself.

Midway to the Astrodome, I felt a little uncomfortable, like having this pronounced, perennial wedgie. A wedgie, that unfortunately cannot be fixed. “Don’t mind it, keep jogging!” I told myself.

About three fourths to my destination, I was forced to slow down. Oh my, it felt like it was beginning to chafe. Drat! I couldn’t keep still, I kept turning my butt this way and that. Shit! I have no money to ride a jeep back home, which means I have to walk back- and in my condition, it seemed like the Bataan Itch March.

So anyway, I waddled home muttering under my breath. “Never wear a thong when jogging, got it!” I went straight to my room as I got home. As I tossed it to the laundry basket, I made a mental note: thongs- excellent for foreplay, bad for horseplay.


Emotionally Sloppy said...

HAHAHAHA couldn't help but laugh. Opps I shouldn't be laughing I can just imagine the pain.

I should have jogged today maybe I could have said hi,lend you money and perhaps saved you from the Bataan Itch March. =)

jan_morata said...

you are crazy thad, you are crazy:-)

hey, thanks for the book (and the thoughtfulness that accompanied it). my yaya, who is gay, has read it (and is inspired by some things you wrote about). my sister is reading it and was surprised to find a book that makes her laugh after a hellish night in a call center.

i've read it a long time ago and feels that you have a shot at creative writing. thad, don't stop writing.

i'll see you when the fates decide it.

cant_u_read said...

and you should be wearing supporters when jogging. tsk tsk!

scholasas said...


nice try, thad.=D

I wonder how it feels...

maka try nga!;}

Phoenix said...

@ Emo: Are you in Tacloban now? = )

@ Jan: That's an established fact, I think (being crazy!)

@ Rye: I'll do that next time ;)

@ scholasas: ngek!

Jesa said...

I have a hard enough time with those da@*ed things. You are a trooper!Those had to be invented by a masocist out of clean underwear. They must of been the Mcguyer of lingerie-all they had was a kleenex and some *really* small rubber bands. Amazing what catches on these days.


Anonymous said...

hey, i sure hope i can get a copy of your book thad.. is it available ba in national book store?? sana i can let u authograph my copy..:-)


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