Dear Thadie,This is you from the future, and I’ve wanted to stress a few points to help you get by. First off sweetie, cute as you are now, stop hoping you’d grow taller. Enough with that Xiang xiang herb or jumping up and down on New Year’s. Hopeless. Your epiphysial plates have long closed, and it’s time to give it up. Being tall is so overrated anyway.
Second, move away from that Shampoo-in Haircolor- your black hair looks fine on you! If you continue, your hair will fall off from damage (gulp!) and you’ll look like a tired Japayuki with brassy brown hair.
Unless one is a Panda, the color of the face should match the color of the décolleté. Remember that as you methodically massage your moisturizer each night.
Stop buying contacts ‘cause your eyes will never be blue! Except maybe, if you develop cataracts later in life. (Not good.)
Keep swimming every weekend because that’s the only thing that keeps you from becoming fat. At your height, you’d look like a teddy bear, and I don’t mean that in a good way.
Be nice, be generous when you can. Quit being a bitch, sweetie. Being a doctor/ writer/ resort owner won’t happen by magic. I’m still working on it, and you should start working on it because those things won’t happen by magic. Look in the mirror, you’re no Cinderella.
Go to church every Sunday, no excuses. That’s the only thing that’ll keep you sane.
Cherish your friendships and relationships- they’ll keep you persevering. Stop being shallow! Being vain is ok, unless you spend your last cent at Debbenhams with a scarf you can’t afford.
Thadie, just do your best, don’t overuse shampoo, and take it easy.
Sincerely,
YFYOS (your-fourty-year-old-self)
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Dear YFYOS,
It’s spelled Debenhams you dumb bitch!
T.
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