The "X Factor"

Ever wonder why you unsuspectingly get attracted to straight guys? I have a theory. The other day, I was silently watching a male schoolmate from a distance (stalker-style, only less sinister). He was with a few friends, both male and female. He wasn’t particularly good looking- just a regular Moreno guy with a nice smile, but he did have a certain appeal. An appeal most straight guys share. Determined to decode that charm, I looked on.

He leaned to his side, and proceeded to tell a joke to his female companions. The girls laugh, and demurely cover their mouth with their hands. Ah, the male-female mechanics in action. My subject exuded subtle masculine mannerisms- like his slightly rigid posture, his constant eye contact with the girls, and that grin that was half a smile. He conversed and flirted at the same time.

A male companion taps his shoulders to get his attention. The guy does a pantomime and the group bowls over with laughter. I had begun to grasp it- aside from the lack of waving arms (and other over-the-top facial expressions that PLUs have when telling an anecdote), his appeal centered on his ease at the way he handles himself. He’s confident; flirting with girls without hesitation, while joking with his male friends.

He reminds me of the guys who play basketball on our corner. I see them deeply engrossed in the game, having a good time and without a care in the world. That I can never have, except probably when I’m snorkeling while on a scheduled vacation- that’s the only time I get that look on my face. I worry about a zillion things all the time- my skin (is that a new pimple? A spot? A wrinkle!), my grades, my plans, my schedule, my skin, my hair and that’s just half of it.

Straight guys simply just have an assumption that they are “pogi” regardless of how they actually look. Yes it’s stupid, but true. And it works- on girls and even on us. I doubt if they have self-esteem issues like females do. And maybe that’s what girls look for- a guy who can take care of them, who is sure of himself and one who lacks insecurities. For our people, I’m pretty sure they are looking for someone who is less fussy than they are. How do I know? Reliable sources told me some PLUs in school had a crush on me prior to my coming out. As soon as my “straight image” faded, so did the glances. I thought: I can never tell for sure if my theory is correct, so I’ll test it.

Enter Thad, walking nonchalantly, hair tousled, as if I just ran my fingers through it (but it really took half an hour to blowdry and style), and minus the wavy movement of my arms. My lips in a thin line, I glance briefly at a group of girls heading my way. I look one of the girls in the eye. She gives me a coy look, and then smiles and whispers something to her companions. The girls turn to look at me, as I walk straight past and into the building.