Post-Modern Men

I have a new hobby. Due to the scarcity of cute PLUs in town, I have resorted to the next best thing: straight men-watching. I set down my drink beside me on my usual bench near the Study Hall (a hall rarely used for studying, by the way). I had a few more minutes before a class and I was enjoying the peace and quiet, later on, a throng of loud adolescents will completely fill my consciousness.

My eyes sweep the area, like a falcon looking for prey. A group of girls were chatting a few meters away, some students were playing the guitar, a car is pulling up in the parking area, and a group of guys were walking some distance away. Krrrr! My retinas focus precisely, like a pair of high-tech SLR binoculars. Target identified: a couple of alpha males. I continue to observe as they chatted distractedly, with their books in tow.

I pick up a notebook and start scribbling. “Characteristics of Post-Modern Men”, I wrote, and below it:

1. They don’t like being corrected. Maybe it’s an ego thing; if you correct a guy’s grammar, critique his clothing style, or perhaps simply disagree with his opinion, he immediately gets defensive. He gives you the “back off look” in his eyes.

2. The Pogi Syndrome. A straight guy, no matter how homely the face, is always confident that he’s pogi. Kinda cute actually, but could get annoying.

3. Competitive. They’ll try to lift the heaviest weights, drink the most beer, throw the farthest stone, and do other menial things in the spirit of competition. In fairness, this can be constructive if directed properly; otherwise they would just waste their time trying to see who can pee the farthest.

4. Ma “L”. But not as much as gay men. Hahaha! I remember a line from QAF: if straight men think about sex every 20 minutes, a gay man thinks about sex every five minutes!

I was shook out of my reverie as a bell rings from inside the building. 1:00 pm classes are about to start, so I hurriedly collected my things and rushed towards the stairs. Upon reaching the classroom, I realized I hadn’t finished the exercises due that day. Great, I thought, I was able to fathom the mysteries of the male psyche, at the price of one requirement. I sat down, turn to my seatmate and ask, “Are you guys done with the Chapter 3 exercises? Pa-kopya naman!.”