Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Time for a Breakdown

One of the first things a crazy person will say is- "I'm not crazy!!" I was morbidly fascinated with my bleeding e-mails and saw the former me slowly crumble as he lived by himself in a life that was somewhere between hell and paradise. Before these words are burried in the graveyard of Yahoo e-mails, I thought it would be nice to give them a last look. Ladies and gentlemen, here are e-mails I sent to my folks, to myself (yeah, you heard me right), and to my friends. One thing to remember is.. I'm not crazy.
May 7, 2002
DEar Papa,
I hope all is well with you. Mama wanted me to remind you to prepare her pocket money for Saipan (the 300 dollars) because she is scheduled to take the exam May or 1st week of JUne. Her e-mail is not working and I'll try to get her a new e-mail account.
As for me, I apologize for this but I'm going to need help-- this time on my dental fees. Since Im not enrolled, so don't have dental coverage in UP anymore. I was forced to spend 1,000 in dental fees (x-ray, consultation, and initial treatment) and was also asked to use Sensodine in place of my ordinary toothpaste(my teeth became unbearably sensitive, and even required a 5 day treatment with antibiotics. It turns out I had an infection ON MY UPPER FRONT TEETH- two of them.Unfortunately, one of them (the worst one) is almost brown in color-- both the gum and the tooth. This was caused by the bacteria, the dentist told me, and would require ROOT CANAL to save the tooth.
This means I would spend 3,000 for the treatment, and an additional 400-600 for 2-3 x rays while they monitor the progress. I really am gonna need your help. I can cover initially ,the treatment has to start immediately (as a matter of fact in an hour I'd be going to my appointment). I will give the receipts to Tio Art, please set aside P4,000 for the dental fees. Thank you. For JUne, I plan to enroll and I'll update you on that. Hopefully I can pay my own tuition by then. Godbless!
March 24, 2005
its not entirely bad in info. as a team manager managing a team of bull headed csrs for almost 1 1/2 years i've survived the wildest situations and i learned a lot i guess.
with that varied experience i can really say next time i can deal with those situations much smoothly.

reasons i think why you should stay: (?) until October if your parents are not able to support your plan to study full time the best option is to still finish your dimanlig and start processing your documents-- either for australia migration or work abroad- we'll see.kung euro country sana keri lang kahit anong work.

1. your contract sa house ends october thats one trouble you'll be rid of
2. in those years i've managed parang its not practical to quit now after all that trouble
3. new lead, new boss who knows where this may lead? i may not hope for the accm or senior tm position now but its another start
4. i'm used to the job and filing leaves are easy
biggest achievement so far?-- becoming tougher, and "not caring" too much if its not my fault-- hello source of stress lang yan

what kind of life are you living?
April 3, 2005
where did it all go?? did my definition for happpiness change?
when i was a csr, things were very simple. i earned money by taking calls, i get premier pay. i was accountable only for myself. as things progressed, i got promoted and as a lead i took on more responsibilities. that was actually fun at first- being in control and being able to direct people towards a goal.(growth) so when did it go wrong??
I was happy when i first became tm. lots of perks- leaves, benefits, high pay..some of the "symptoms"-- when people would get into trouble under me, my leads, my csrs i was the one who answered for them. when that became a regular occurrence, that became a problem. i think it was around november last year- the team turned 1 year, i became involved with my defunct housemates. it was a mess, the bickering then finally i got 100,000 loan which about 20,000 was given to them to move out. i spent the rest of the money improving the house.
at last they left by january thats when i started paying for the entire 10,000 for the house. january, feb and march were also the hardest months for the team's attendance and stats. and the failed accm application took a blow on me as well.
all in all i think what finally cracked me was a combination of
1) being far from family and faced trials alone without any aid
2) financial vise gripped me tighter and tighter, with the loan, brace, and house i'm living form paycheck to paycheck.
3) to sum it up, its hard being a leader facing challenges in the office while ate the same time experiencing "growing pains" and facing my own personal trials on my own
the past few months has been really hard. but i also feel that this "era" is a turning point. i think i'm now wiser and i know what i want in areas such as-- love and desire, effort and work, and finding happiness and content.
i learned:
1. Some things can't be rushed, they have to happen in their own time, kung pilitin either you'll have a case of "biting of more than you can chew"/ or too much too soon either case, its almost always heartbreaking.
2. Some things can't be changed, and have to be accepted as it is. Don't waste your time trying to alter your looks or trying too hard to be something you're not just to "belong", if they won't like you it wouldn't be the worst thing
3. You can't make anyone like/love you.
4. Someone does look after you = ) And somehow somewhere I know he is out there and i'll still meet him one day. A physical thing is not what i want..
5. "It'd better be worth the effort"..
6. Level with people so you don't get into compromising positions..
i want a job with a sense of fulfillment, with a sense of purpose.. something that answers what am i doing this for?? money is not enough, the bottomline is..
-----Original Message-----From: Thad Hinunangan Sent: Thursday, December 15, 2005 7:30 AM
To: Mama; PapaSubject: I have been sick for more than a week, what does this mean?
Ma & Pa,
I have been sick since a week ago till now. Here's what happened-
Mon Tue-- hectic sched- Mon 9am-3pm back at 10:15pm-7:15am mnl
Tuesday 7:15after the shift till 1pm, back in office
12midnight- 7am
Tue Dec 6-- cough
Wed Dec 7-- AM eyes red when I woke upThu Dec 8-- Consult with doctor, confirms its sore eyes; prescribes medication; sick leave
Fri Dec 9-- sick leave
Sat Dec 10- sick leave
Sun Dec 11- present with co-TMs at christmas party, feeling better eyes no longer red
Mon Dec 12- Back to work (with written certification from same doctor) continue medication
Tue Dec 13- Cough worsens, can't stop coughing in FX/ jeeps while on commute
Makati Med diagnosis-- tonsillopharyngitis; not able to complete shift
Wed Dec 14- Medication- gargle, antibiotic, antitussive; rest
Thu Dec 15- tonsillopharyngitis gone; only the cough persists

The antibiotic is expensive-- 250 a tablet.. And i'm just so annoyed I can't get proper sleep because
of my cough. Right now i'm in my shift trying to do work. Hopefully I'll be better soon.

THAD HINUNANGAN PHCC US 39 TEAM MANAGER INFONXX Philippines Inc. Mobile: +639198559887
Jan 11, 2006
Subject: Lessons
On motivation--
some make helping their family's their purpose
some make their own family and raise them
some simply enjoy life as it happens, even without plans
why can't i live in the "now"? i should appreciate where i am now regardless
of where i would be going in the future.
one of the reasons probably was because i felt so lost- not having my family
or anyone else to lean on,of not belonging, of sometimes being treated poorly even when i was young.
i had to solve all my problems, and originally did try to follow my dreams.
my role is just to keep my family together.

The objective: 1. Grow and mature as a person
2. Fulfill my potentials as a leader & artist
3. Live a full life- well rounded, with friends and
family (relax-- they will always be there)

i have been independent for 4 years now, depending only on myself to provide for
my needs, to support and inspire me and keep me going. i'm tough and i've learned things the hard way- i've done my own budget, managed my life, dreamed and persevered to get to where i am now. i'm definitely ready to explore new territories.

even with all the trials and hard lessons i went through i hope i remain innocent with child-like enthusiasam. i want to follow my dreams and expand my horizons. and hopefully find that happiness and peace that i have been searching forever for.

on being a leader--

its not an easy job to keep the team together as there are a lot of challenges, let's keep it positive (advice to everyone) and let's be persistent. don't give up so easily-- after all the trials and the most difficult things that happen you'll be rewarded with results. nothing comes for free and no effort is ever wasted; let's continue to inspire ourselves and keep up the good fight!
-----Original Message-----From: Hinunangan Thaddeus []Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 7:52 PM
To: Jen Trasmonte; Mavic Gonzales
Subject: My dears

Can you forward my "farewell" letter to this e-mail please.. = ) I forgot to CC myself...


wanderingcommuter said...

i could totally relate. but without these cahllenges dude. life would not be that happier as we expected it to be.

keep smiling!

Phoenix said...

@ wanderingcommuter: that's true. another fictional nutcase Ally McBeal said in the final episode: "Frequently the saddest times in my life were also the happiest."..

It's all part of the game = )

Sexymoi said...

Yep.. being a team leader\coach\team manager\supervisor is so difficult. i know how it feels working hard on your team metrics and some of your members would not bother helping you out. there are even instances where in you fight for them so they could keep their job and in the end they would eventually quit... yep, it sucks. comments like "sana nag agent na lang ako..." are very common BUT it is a challenge probably for us hehe... as long as we're still happy then why quit. me kasi am not happy anymore. i need a long leave.. hehe

davenport said...

well for sure those emails are weird.. i neeed to reread it..thrice..still cannot digest it hu hu hu


sabi nga ni mike(engs) "who said sanity means life."



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