Rite of Passage

My brother’s testimony in Friendster, and my reply:

Tye: “You’re soooooo gay!”

Thad: “Of course I am, freak. At least I’m pretty!”

Spending time at the beach with my bestfriend, reminiscent of our Puerto Galera escapades back when we were both employed at Infonxx, brought to light two very important points: 1. we both gained weight, and 2. we were no longer 23. Those truths were as real and as unpleasant as the small pooch threatening to form on my abdomen.

“Tat, when did we stop being thin?”

“I’m guessing somewhere between quitting jobs, quitting gym, and staying home most of the time.”

“Ugh.”

“Let’s diet and exercise again!”

“Sure.”

I give that resolution a week. It was not just, however, our weight that has changed. Tatat is now the breadwinner of her family, and she has to maintain a roof over their heads and bring food to the table for her siblings. My own responsibilities at home had widened in scope since my family had migrated and I was left to manage the house in Tacloban and care for my 82 year-old grandmother.

Back in 2003, our main concern involved filing for Vacation Leaves together and conspiring in an effort to “find the right guy”. Frequently, we played chaperone for each other’s dates (weird ‘no?)- and when it goes well the other would find some excuse to leave. We still chat over the phone nowadays about the people we date, and the Anilao trip was for Tatat to meet my guy.

Other than my first boyfriend (the EDSA dos guy who lasted 2 months), I never had a relationship till now. It still feels a little strange, since I’m an independent person and I’m used to doing things by myself. Now, I would wake up early morning to feel an arm around my waist and I’d go- “Huh?..” and then I’d remember I am in a relationship now. I guess the days of EB, online personals, clubs, and all that frivolous dating tactics I used to engage in are long gone.

I’d be in the third level in Nursing school this semester. A day after the Anilao trip, I went to my second treatment for the laser tattoo removal. Two more sessions and it’d be like they weren’t even there. My tattoos were actually one of the remaining reminders of my impulsiveness as a young adult (imagine I got them so that I’d look sexy haha!)- and now it is in line for purging.

The removal of the tattoo was not entirely because Nursing school forbids it- I also felt a change in myself I guess, and somehow the image of who I was five years ago doesn’t fit me now. I used to think like I was immortal, and life was overflowing with possibilities and that I could do everything and try anything- but now I am more aware of my limits: resources needed, duties and responsibilities to family, bills to pay, etc.

Maybe I’m still me, just a little tempered with reality. I have no idea why I was so struck with the changes that have occurred in me and my bestfriend… Perhaps, it’s part of a rite of passage to adulthood.