Monday, June 1, 2009

The Naked Chef Meets Fear Factor

Who said you need to spend thousands to experience a sumptuous meal fit for your epicurean taste? What I'm about to tell you is top secret- as in Maxim's in Paris have been begging me for this but I told them no, this is exclusively for my friends. If you are planning a lovely supper for a special someone, a friend, a nosy neighbor, or perhaps your most hated enemy, you're in luck.

Whip out the lampara and set the table for a simply divine dining experience. First, of course you have to prepare the following things:
1. Tokeneneng and kwek kwek
2. Lucky Me Noodles and Payless Pancit Canton
3. 4 sticks Isaw and Helmet
4. 2 sticks Atay, 2 sticks Adidas (don't forget to ask for sauce- usually pronounced "sows" in the streets)
5. Achara
6. 1 indian mango na may bagoong
7. Monay and dirty ice cream
8. Sarsi
9. 2 extra rice

To begin with (assuming you are already wearing your gown, or perhaps your shower curtain cleverly draped on your body like a Vera Wang cocktail dress), serve the Hors d'oeuvres- I mean the tokeneneng. Share the sauce or "sows".

Compliment each others appearance, blah blah blah. Now it's time to bring out the soup- the delicately flavored Lucky Me Noodles. Try not to eat too much because the pasta is coming next- and you now that instant pancit canton is the new ravioli!

The main course is Foie gras and some fancy meat, with very fancy red wine. Ok its really Atay, Isaw, Adidas, and kwek kwek with rice- but who cares about petty details, right? Enjoy, try to look poised as you bite off the helmet. Try not to look at the poor chicken's half-opened left eye. Don't forget the sows.

Continue your magical conversation over achara. Then for fresh fruit, have a slice or two of Indian mango. Share the bagoong. Then top off the exquisite meal with dessert- but nothing too common such as tiramisu or creme brulee. Yuck! Peons are feasting on those plain things in 5 star hotels- you are simply too jaded to be satisfied. So you settle with Monay ala mode. Yummy!

After supper, if you still haven't thrown up, or experience the symptoms of Shigellosis, or even had severe diarrhea and consequently had hyponatremia, you can savor the feeling of being a true food connoisseur. Bravo!


jericho said...

hindi ko alam kung nagugutom ako o nasusuka.. basta alam ko eh nalaloka ako sa halo-halong pagkain na to ... hehehe

Anonymous said...

You made my day! I can't stop laughing!

Phoenix said...

@ jericho: kaya nga may warning hehe pang Fear Factor lang ito ;-) Thanks for the visit!

@ Anonymous: I'm happy too!


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