Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Somewhere between nostalgia and my haste to move on, I got stuck. There was a time when the world was nothing more to me than a playground of my whims. Gone are the seemingly consequence-free days of adolescence, and the exhilarating first taste of freedom during one’s early twenties. What was once a seemingly endless pursuit of fun slowly gave way to the drudgery of work and responsibilities. When did it stop being fun, and start being burdensome?

Somewhere in a dumpster near my orthodontist’s office are my molars she extracted before straightening my teeth. Some skinny model in an ad reminds me I used to be able to eat as much and never gain a pound. And somewhere in a pile of mementos at the bottom of my closet are my old planners reminding me how busy I was with my old job- and photos to prove how happy I was. Remnants of things past.

Oh to be 24 again. When every Saturday night was spent either in a bar or in a resort, when every date was an exciting prospect, when I was willing to try the most outrageous outfit for a laugh…

Somewhere out there my first boyfriend still flashes that endearing yet empty smile. I wonder if he still travels a lot. And I wonder if they ever found the blanket I hid in the cabinet of the hotel that reeked of vomit one drunken night in Galera. My best friend and I have always planned to go back to the island where, back in the days, we were notorious party goers. But it never happened again.

Days of promiscuous dating. Of failed relationships and bad apartments. Of conversations over coffee with friends and officemates, comparing notes and trading gossip. I guess I should be past all that- after all I’ve survived everything, albeit a few scratches and heartaches- and with a few life lessons in tow.

Somewhere between now and the future, is an arduous journey I am willing to take, because I know it is time to move on. When I was very young, I made a list of varied jobs I had wanted to try (which included working in advertising, media, medicine, management) and one of the last on my list is to work in a cruise liner. That still sounds so incredibly exciting to me even now, but I know it is already far-fetched. Time has come to focus on a definite career path in the field I have currently, and finally chosen, and the time has come to work on long term goals.

I turn thirty next year, and that terrifies me a little bit. Ok, it terrifies me a lot. But for the record, I am ready to move in the right direction- as for my whims and those dreams of working as a seafarer? Let’s just say that ship has sailed.

No comments:


Related Posts with Thumbnails