Post-emancipation

Craziness aside, I’m actually quite pleased of what this blog has accomplished so far. I came out (which was the primary purpose), I met a lot of interesting blog buddies (you guys know who you are ; ) I was able to say what I had to say, had good site traffic (3,876 views in 23 days), and was able to interact with other gay bloggers (Legends in my book- I've always browsed MGG and Misterhubs way before I started blogging). After my friend Mark published a letter I wrote in his blog, I thought, why not create mine?

I’m almost at my 100th post (wonder why that is significant for me?) and I have to say I’ve had a blast! Some of my posts were a bit serious, some catty, some silly, some sad, some paying tribute to the people I admire, and some with typos (yikes!). I’ve had good and bad feedback, compliments and insults thrown my way- and I’m still here.

When I started this, I’ve always envisioned it to be a tool that would give a perspective of the life of a typical gay person (I know there are a lot of us, and we are all different, but this will be a start for them). I think one of the reasons why most people fail to give the respect gay people are entitled to, is because they have very limited knowledge. They fail to see that there are a lot more sides to us than our sexual orientation. I bet few of them are aware of the difficulty of coming out, the weariness of being the subject of ridicule for being effeminate, or the frustration of not being able to experience the regular things in life like getting married or having a kid.

From my experience, here in the province, if you are 14 and gay, even if you have the best grades or even if you are a good son, all they will see is a Bayot. (Visayan term for a gay man) That’s how they will identify you, and that’s how they will think of you till you prove that you are more than that.

I recently invited some straight teenagers to view my blog (you’ve got to hand it to me to be that tenacious), and the responses I got were similar- First they were surprised I was gay, second, they said it was a gutsy thing to do to come out, and third, that they learned new things about gay people. Who knew there were Parloristas and Pamintas? These are certainly not taught in the classroom.

School starts in a few days for me, and the number of entries I publish will definitely lessen. I’m happy with my new-found freedom and I hope that you (whoever is reading this) will also have the courage to be your most authentic self. I still have a lot to learn, but it sure is fun being able to share my experiences with a lot of you. Till my next post! ; )

How Homophobic Are You?

When a rainbow-garbed trannie sits beside you, you think:
a. Ay! We are the world! Miss Kenya and drama nya!
b. It’s ok, it doesn’t bother me.
c. Shit, I gotta move elsewhere.

You hear Madonna’s catchy new hit on the radio, you:
a. Dance like there’s no tomorrow, and worry about what the perfect outfit to go with the theme of the song.
b. Bop your head to the beat!
c. Turn it off, too girly.

One of your schoolmates just came out, you think:
a. Bongga!
b. Pat the person on the back- hey, that takes courage to do.
c. Stay away from this guy, he might infect you with it.

An openly gay athlete wins a match at basketball, you:
a. Cheer loudly!
b. Congratulate him.
c. Curse and spit, how come that faggot won?

An effeminate schoolmate moves in your dorm. You:
a. Make room for him.
b. Welcome him.
c. Dress inside the bathroom, hey he is probably checking your butt out everytime.

You observe a slight effeminate quality in an old friend from high school, you:
a. Catch up on all the gossip.
b. Don’t really mind.
c. Tell him, “magpaka-lalaki ka nga”

An openly gay, bitchy, brilliant officemate becomes your supervisor, you think:
a. Keri! This is gonna be fun!
b. I think we’ll get along.
c. If he gives me extra work, I’ll beat his sissy ass. How did he get that job? I do a lot better work than that fag.

Results:

If you answered mostly A's: Honey, welcome to the club!! You'll get your kit in two to three weeks ; ) Have fun with it and don't let people get you down!

If you answered mostly B's: Bravo! One doesn't need to be gay to understand the plight of gay people. You are empathic; you also know every person deserves respect and you give it to them. We need more people like you = )

If you answered mostly C's: Go back to the jungle, Tarzan. What you are doing is wrong, and you know it. Get some education.

Fijarme libre!

With exception of my brother, who was not at all surprised, I haven’t really came out to anyone in my family yet. Being in a conservative, catholic family, that sort of thing is not even talked about. My sexual orientation is like a pink elephant in the room; no one is allowed to talk about it, yet everyone can see it.

It’s almost laughable how they think I’m enjoying my bachelorhood, and not getting hitched early like my brother did. They wonder sometimes when I’ll finally bring a girlfriend over. My father even went as far as giving me tips on getting a house for my “future wife” (more of these especially when he is drunk). At one point he even had three girls (who were daughters of his kumpares) come over to the house to meet with me.

That setup didn’t work out for two reasons: 1. I would never consider dating a girl, and 2. I was much prettier than any of them. I know my Mom senses it already, as much as my cousins do. They even try not to use the words “bading”, or “bakla” in my presence because they think I might get offended. I appreciate their efforts, but what I do want is to just put it all in the open- and get over it. My sexual orientation does not define me. My homosexuality had nothing to do with the grades I got in school, it did not get me hired, and certainly was not the basis of my promotions. I am a good friend, a creative individual, and a loyal confidant- all those qualities have nothing to do with my being gay.

I’m not even after acceptance. I don’t need their approval. I don’t want them worrying about me, my future, and my battles because I’ve always managed to do these things on my own. I prefer it that way, actually. Maybe what I want is just simply for them to acknowledge the fact. It seems to me that all my sufferings, my efforts in trying to excel and win respect, my feelings—I feel that they are only real to me alone. I want my family, the people closest to me, to just look me in the eye and say, “I know.” I don’t need everyone to be nice to me, but I do want them to at least understand where I am coming from.

Looking Forward to the Day I Could Love Someone Like That

I will not be writing so much for this post, except a short introduction. I found this beautiful post from a great, great blog called Life Funtastique. Click on the link to see the webpage.

Last night N, my partner, asked me whether I still love him.
And he sounded really serious because this was when we were just having our nightly ritual of “talking” like very old couple, hugging our donnas before going to sleep. I stopped a little bit from putting on my moisturizers. And I kept silent for awhile to keep him guessing. Not answering his question.
Well, we talk a lot about the day’s work, our projects, our house, the future and the past, everything and anything! We talk like lovers, old friend and sometimes enemy, bitches, and just old and tired queens.

And then the “question”.
Living for almost six years now is like living forever. There were ups and downs in our relationship. There were a hundred times when I want to call it quits. For a thousand and different reasons and whims. And I know it is true with him too. But then we talk it out. And we talk a lot. And we cleared the air. We forgive and forget. And we go on.

I think I have changed. And I think N has too. We were not the same persons we were when we first met. And the word LOVE has taken on different colors, different meaning, some attachments, maybe depths, images and connotations. And as we changed, that word LOVE has changed as well. A lot.

Being the younger person, I tend to be whimsical. Sometimes unreasonable. But N could be very juvenile too. And his anger really gets into me. Our imperfections, our moods and limitations are all in play in the constant battle in the game called LOVE and commitment.
And back to that “question”.

So I remembered a poem that really hit me and became my torch song when confronted with this wall.
It was borrowed/used by my brother in his wedding five years ago. I found the poem really powerful… somewhat very juvenile, selfish and yet very mature and loving, so cold and yet so passionate. Like sunshine, fire and rain and storm combined!
And even as I read it today, it still rings the same flavor and strong emotions as it had on me years ago.
And I thought, this is me.
My kind of love.
My soul.
And the answer to N’s question.

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda
I want you to know one thing.
You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life,and you decide to leave me at the shoreof the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land.
But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved,and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine
x x x

5 Common Misconceptions About Gay People—and Allow Me to Clear it up For You

Misconception: A mistaken thought, idea, or notion.


We are weak.

Wrong. Maybe it’s the fact that some of us show emotion so readily or cry in public easily, or maybe the fact that some of us cannot throw a ball- people see us as weak. Well, listen to this: If we were weak, how come after years of ridicule and spite from people and their dogs, we manage to survive? Better yet, how come a lot of gay people make it to the top ranks, rising against overwhelming odds? Maybe it’s the persistence or determination; or maybe it is just because we are sick of being walked all over.

We jump at every man we see.

Are you kidding me with this? Maybe its an ego trip or what, how come a lot of low-life men assume that we are ready to throw ourselves at their feet because they are men? Hello!! I have a penis too! LOL! There’s nothing you have that I don’t have. Ever heard of Quality Control? We implement them, and creeps don’t make the cut.

We are too emotional.

Some of us maybe so, but not all. Everyone, man or woman, gay or straight may feel strong emotions. What is in question is how one acts on it. Do not stereotype that as a “gay quality”.

We are all effeminate and love to wear women’s clothes.

Wrong again. You have probably met our cross dressing sisters- lovely aren’t they? But that does NOT encompass the whole of the gay population. You would not believe, but I met manly married men (yes, married to women) wanting to get some man-time on the side.

We are much more immoral than straight people and will surely go to hell.

I’m sorry, I must have missed something. Are you God? Because the last time I recall it is He who makes the judgments. There are moral straight men and women and immoral straight men and women. Also we have moral gay men and women and immoral gay men and women. It all boils down to personal conduct and faith, regardless of sexual orientation. Again, emphasis on refraining from judging gay people, let us leave that to God, shall we?

The Bottomline:

SEXUAL ORIENTATION SHOULD NEVER BE AN ISSUE, as much as race, gender, and social status. These should never be basis for discrimination. Period.

Top Six Indicators that Your Boyfriend is Gay

Photo to the left: lesbian couple.

Girl: Hon, ang bango ko no? Bagong ligo kasi.. Do you wanna...

Pa-Girl: Hon, are my legs too bony? Damn! Naubos na ang hair remover cream ko, leche. Babes, may I use your Sally Hansen na lang muna?

Girl: HUH?

Pa-Girl: Fly muna aketch sa CR! Kailangan ko na mag-wax ever! Are you sure I don't look fat in this robe?

Girl: HUH?

6 He knows more about make-up than you. “Hon, use brow powder, instead of brow pencil, its less shiny.. Revlon foundation is the best! Try the Age-defying line.” Fanny Serrano, ikaw bayan?

5 He has a suspiciously complete collection of CDs of Divas like Mariah, Whitney, Madonna, Kylie minogue, Regine, Lani Misalucha, and Cher. At avah! Alam nyang sayawin ang “vogue” ni Madonna at marami syang trivia tungkol sa mga idols nya.

4 Talakera. I haven’t encountered a straight guy who talks too much.. At daig nya pa si Ate Nole Marin at si Miss J Alexander ng ANTM kung mag-critique.

3 He uses Chenellyn, Chuvaness, Chuvannes-kemfet-nga-green, Echos, Chuvannay, Tiennes, Charmosity, and other gay lingo terms too much as a filler. “Babes, dun na lang tayo mag-dinner sa Fridays, ‘di ko bet ang place na ito! Marumi ang sink at ang chuva nila!” It could start innocently enough, dropping a word or two. Next thing you know he goes, “Anich itey! Ang chaka-ever ng bar-lalu na itetch. Mother, fly na lang tayesh sa Malate mas feel ko ang men, este crowd doon.” Yikes!

2 Mas maganda pa sya sa yo! Kung pageant ito, runner-up ka lang. Gay people are obsessed about appearances. If he starts asking you for the tenth time if the shirt he tried on makes him look fat, Heads up! Tatalbugan ka ng lola mo.

1 He is more interested in the cute waiter’s butt than your cleavage. Kilala nya kung sino sina Bret Mycles, Lukas Ridgeston, at Matthew Rush. Girl, hindi sila mga bayani ng America. If I were you, I’d bail out of that relationship- you are just his beard. But stay friends with him naman, malay mo magaling na stylist pala si lokah! Baka bigyan ka pa ng tips on how to please a man. Etching!