Friday, November 14, 2008

Trouble with Margaux

I had forgotten what day that was, what my troubles were during that time, and how far I’ve fallen. But the feeling returns to me as swift as rushing trains; that melancholy, the seemingly bottomless pit of despair.

I sat on the cold tile of our small bathroom, with bottles of pills in my pocket. Today, I thought, I’ll end all my troubles. The incandescent bulb cast long shadows, making fixtures look like grotesque puppets laughing at me.

Weeks ago, I was as vivacious as any fifteen year old- an active member of the student council, a consistent honor student, a girl with a loving family and good friends. The trouble started when I got involved in the family problems of my ex-boyfriend. Towards the end of the school year, I had a lot of requirements that I needed to accomplish, otherwise I will not be given clearance and consequently won’t be permitted to enroll.

My parents and siblings prodded me constantly. Overwhelmed with hopelessness, I sank into depression. One day, I found myself alone in our house, I thought: this is it. I calmly collected all pills and medications I could find around the house, took a last look around and went into the bathroom and locked myself in.

It really is true what they say- your life flashes before you when you are about to die. Memories flooded my mind- happier times, and happy places and then I knew it would be extremely difficult for me to let go. I suddenly found myself crying uncontrollably. Something compelled me to walk out of the bathroom, whose walls had begun to feel like they were closing in on me.

Sunlight hit my face, and I walked slowly towards the bookcase where a framed photo of my family was displayed on top. Randomly, I picked up a book and noticed a yellow sticker on the spine. I recognized it immediately.

My heart was filled with warmth again, and I was reminded why I’ll never, ever be alone. The passage on my sister’s book was one of the greatest lessons I ever learned, it read: “Jesus is Saving You.”

Note: Based on a friend's story when she once attempted to take her life.

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